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02 December 2022 @ 09:56 am

In case you are reading my journal without being on my friends, the majority of my entries are friends only so If you REALLY want to know what the hell is going on, add me. The good entries are locked to protect identities and keep me out of trouble.
04 August 2009 @ 02:16 pm
So I've decided that it is time to retire ye olde LJ and move on to Blogger. I will occasionally get on here to read your posts but I most likely wont be writing anything.

You can follow me here and here.

Peace and much love to ya!
Stupid online scams. Andrew sold his Grandfather's electric chair that helps you get up, you push a button and it like boosts you out of it. He was selling it for 700$ and some guy sent him like 2900$ and told him to wire the remainder to the moving company in TX. I knew it was sketchy, we all did but no one actually stopped him from continuing with the transaction. Well the check bouced and now he's out of the money. The guy doesn't think we know that the check has bounced because he's now asking for the remainder because his "mum is sick in the hospital and she needs surgery," so I'm trying to make him understand that we have very little time to catch him if any. This is absolutely ridiculous and people are awful. We all in the back of our minds knew it was not right but we still chose not to do anything about it.

At least I'm going to get my tattoo today, I'll post pictures later :)
17 July 2009 @ 09:49 am
Everything is pretty much the same. I've just been working and hanging around. I haven't had much energy and I really would much rather be in my bed sleeping than sitting here at this desk, doing nothing. I've applied for jobs at Best Buy and I really hope that I get one. I'm tired of working a desk job. Yes, it's nice in the beginning, but I am bored to death. I don't get paid enough and I don't have benefits. At Best Buy I wouldn't have to work a Mon- Fri schedule. I know that sometimes it's nice to have weekends off, but not if NO ONE else has them off. Plus, I hate waking up early every morning. Sometimes it's ok but I want to be able to go out on a freakin Thursday like everyone else. Ok, enough ranting.

My Birthday is coming up soon and we've started to make plans. The thing that is upsetting me the most is that everyone will be going back to school so none of my friends are going to be here. Shena lives in Florida, Emily is going to Radford and so is Ziba. Those are all my close friends, and sure I have more friends, but those are the people that are most important. I know it will still be fun because I'll have Deema and Andrew and of course his friends who I have pretty much adopted as my own, but that's not the point. I want to go back to everyone being so close knit. We have all drifted apart and it makes me sad. Amanda moved back to Long Beach last week too. It's just a part of growing up I know, but it stinks. We all go in different directions and move on different paths.

Andrew and I are doing really well. I can't wait to move out of my stupid house and live with him. I feel like time goes so slow because I want it to hurry up and just be time to get out. Saturday we're going to work on the house so I'm hoping we'll get a lot of stuff done so that I'll be able to start moving over there in the beginning of August. It would be nice to be moved in by my Birthday. I feel like there is a cloud over my head while waiting for my Birthday because it marks a bad time. The last time I saw Carmon was at my Birthday dinner. I just have to get through it and remember to have fun. I know that everything is going really well right now, I just have to remind myself every once in a while.
Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: Silversun Pickups
It's 5 months today with Andrew and I <3

First of all, it doesn't feel like it, I feel like it's more. Second, we are really happy, and third I want it to stay this way :). August we're moving into his grandpa's old house and fixing it up for his mom to sell sometime next year. I'm really really excited about it. It will be a nice, much needed change. My house is still hard to tolerate and I just want to get out.

Amanda just got back from rehab in Cali. Amanda is my ex, and was my best friend's (Carmon) girlfriend when she died (See all entries tagged 'C' for more background). She is finally back to normal. She no longer thinks fondly of the person who basically killed Carmon. I am really happy she is better and back home. I went to go see Carmon's brother yesterday and we had a Bar B Que with them. It was really nice considering I hadn't seen him in a while, but it's hard. He is like the spitting image of her. At the same time it comforts me. It got me thinking though. Sam's story just doesn't add up at all. I really hope that bitch goes down. I also hope that Amy (the other girl there that night) loses her baby. Considering she was pregnant doing heroin and let my best friend die, she deserves it. Amy's boyfriend was the one that supplied the heroin so he is in jail right now. I hope the other two don't think they are free and clear. They deserve whatever is coming to them. I miss my friend. Everyday gets both harder and easier somehow. I just have so many emotions about the situation. I'm sad because she's gone, angry because she was stupid and shouldn't have been doing what she was doing and because when she stopped breathing no one was paying attention and when they finally figured out they didn't call 911, and frustrated because I wish I could have done something. I understand that things like that happen everyday, but you never assume that it can happen to someone you know. It only takes one time. Last night Amanda and I talked about a lot of stuff and it really helped. I justreally want to know the truth about everything. It really disgusts me that even after someone Sam supposedly "loved" dies, she still is lying to try to save her own ass. I wish I knew what happened.

Carmon finally got a headstone, and it is beautiful.

All I want it to hear her voice and feel her again.
26 June 2009 @ 12:59 pm
I just want to get up and quit my job. I'm so sick of being cooped up in this office with no windows. "The Dungeon" as my boyfriend and I call it. It sucks, and I don't get paid enough to tolerate being bored to death ever second of the day. Or be hit on but not really. I wish the economy didn't suck so bad, then maybe I could get another job...
23 June 2009 @ 10:56 pm
I don't know how it's possible to feel happy and upset at the same time. I know life is good but I still have this lingering "shit sucks" feeling.

Everything will get better.
22 June 2009 @ 04:49 pm
I got back from the beach on Saturday afternoon and when I got home I had a fit. My brother had been staying in my room and it was a mess. He's no longer allowed to use my stuff.

The beach was a little bumpy. I went with Andrew and his family and it was nice to hang out and get closer with them. Andrew and I got in a few fights but overall it improved our relationship I think. I really want to help him grow and mature because I know that he has the potential to be a great man, he just needs a little help and support.

Today was my first day back to work, and it actually wasn't painful. :)
21 May 2009 @ 09:55 am
I feel like a crazy psycho. I can't feel secure no matter how hard I try. I really want these thoughts to get out of my head. I'm just so scared. I'm absolutely terrified that he is going to leave me and the more I get scared the more I push him away. I want it to stop. I want to go back to where we started. Everything is so messed up right now in my head. I want to trust him, but then I get scared, and it all goes to shit. I always think of the worst possible scenarios and then I feel stupid later when I find out he was just playing video games. No matter how many times he tells me he loves me and he'd never do those things again I can't make it go away. This is exactly what happened with Dylan before we broke up. I'm trying not to be clingy but it's so effing hard. I'm not usually, I'm just in too deep right now and I feel like I need to take a step back but how am I supposed to do that if I really don't trust him? This is so annoying, why can't I just be numb. I hate feeling this.
11 May 2009 @ 09:54 am
He lied to me about his ex calling him the other day.Then Thursday he got drunk and texted this girl that he knows I hate, "Hey sexy across the bar ;)" then, "I miss seeing you."

It makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it. He apologized and I realize that he was completely black out drunk but I still believe that there is no excuse. I told him about me drunk dialing Ryan when I was in Florida. I don't know. I'm so confused as to what to do. I tried to break up with him. I just can't be in a relationship like this. I know he loves me but I also believe that if he really truly did he wouldn't do stupid shit like that. I don't want to lose him, but I also cant continue to let my self get hurt. It's been a few days and I have been trying really hard to not get upset but I feel like it's all I can think about. I told him that I forgive him but I can't forget it just yet. He knows that he has to prove himself to me at this point because I don't trust him. I hate this feeling, I really really do.
Current Music: Band of Horses